try not to follow
I lost, so now what?

duality of time


When you seem busy, time feels like its at a premium. There doesn’t seem to be enough of it. There is a need for some more of it and you wonder why it is that time moves so damn quickly. You begin to ponder why it never shows you the courtesy of slowing down when you’re on vacation.

But when you live your life with meaning. When you choose to awake up with a purpose, time moves slowly and yet quickly, all at the same time.

It is a strange and mysterious duality of time of sorts and I have experienced this parallel existence ever since I awoke and decided to live again.

Prior to that I was most oblivious to anything.

Time stood still for me. 

It dragged me around like a limp body, not that I have much experience dragging around limp bodies. It was a hell of a weekend, you should ask my uncle Bernie.

Every action that builds our dreams seems to take place in purposeful slow motion. 

As strange as this may seem, I find myself thinking about thinking. I become conscious of being conscious about doing what needs doing.

I can’t explain it.

Every day I have enough time to write just enough. I have enough time to read a good book just enough. I have enough time to nudge a bit forward just enough.

Everything is calculated, slow, and purposeful.

I’m not sure why that is, but it seems like I’m on somebody else’s clock. Like I’m not on my own time. I’m always just a few steps ahead of where I was yesterday, but never more than I want to be. I am never more than a few minutes ahead of yesterday, no matter how hard I try, how hard I push, or what to do list I craft together the night before.

At the same time hours seem to turn into days, days into weeks, and weeks disappear quickly into months and years.

In a blink of an eye, like some checkers game,  I have skipped two whole seasons, and I have reawoken to the coming of spring.

It’s unimaginable. 

Unimaginable and unbelievable how quickly the many things that pull us away from ourselves seem to fade away and die. The endless hours spent in useless staff meetings, the hour and hours of following worn out procedures, not to mention, the endless tasks that only fill our day, but serve no real ultimate purpose.

I have come to accept that just like sunshine that travels a great distance in the form of various rays and little packets called photos, so our days are filled with a real duality of time.

The things that matter. The things that are worth doing are on a different plane. They take a lot of effort, persistence, and a whole lotta moxie to build. Everything else dominates our lives, but disappears quickly. It fades out of our lives like the morning fog that hovers ever so briefly over a luscious meadow.

Take heart and don’t become discouraged in you daily struggle.

Time moves at its petty pace for a reason.

It’s not for you to know.

You were given the task to respond.

To wake up with meaningful purpose.

And to move things forward just a little.



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