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little things

in the middle of nowhere

 

There are days like today, where I feel like I’m in the middle of nowhere.

It’s not that I have done something wrong or that I’m not doing something right. It’s just that sometimes, life gets a touch monotonous, without any signs or inclinations, and it’s at those moments that I seem a bit lost and a whole lot of anxious.

It feels like I’m in the middle of nowhere.

Tumble weeds. Corn fields. A wide-open road and nothing in sight for as far as the eye can see.

Nothing seems terribly concerning though and that seems to be part of the problem.

Fighting fires and rushing from one crisis to the next, is far more exhilarating, but finding yourself in the middle of nowhere, offers none of the adrenalin or endorphins a good crisis can generate (made up or otherwise).

Those unassuming, uneventful, one foot in front of the other, can in time become very troubling.

They feel so wrong. Like I should be doing something. Doing anything.

Doing more.

Like I have missed and forgotten something.

Like I should be working harder. Planning more. Wishing more. Moving things from one place to another, even if they don’t need to be moved. That I should be checking things. Double checking things. Cleaning. Purging. Moving some more. Somewhere. Anywhere.

Constantly moving.

Until you get tired. Tired of moving. Hoping to get out of nowhere.

But doing so is counterproductive and harmful.

It helps to know being nowhere is sometimes the best place to be and it releases some of the unpleasant anxiety.

(Some of it).

It still doesn’t feel right, but it feels much better later, when I look back and feel grateful for saving myself from spinning a narrative and creating drama not worth the performance.

I feel grateful that I don’t have to undo or double back and begin anew.

Made up problems will certainly get you out of nowhere, and they are tempting, that’s for sure, but they will only put you on a trajectory course toward somewhere, where you don’t want to be.

When life becomes predictable and monotonous, when it becomes a matter of routine, sometimes the shortest way out, is the long way through.

You will never see a magic exit. There is no secret ladder. No secret path.

The middle of nowhere is not a place to run away from.

It’s just the middle of nowhere.

It’s a place like no other, and it too will pass into the distance.

We love starting and finishing things, it feels so great, but it’s the stuff in the middle that give us the biggest cause for concern.

It’s the stuff in the middle that will make the biggest difference.

Being stuck nowhere is a sign that we’re actually going somewhere.

How you handle yourself in the dark cold days of winter, when everything plays dead, determines with what tenacity you will embrace the coming of spring, when it finally does arrive announced.

When spring and summer comes, will you be exhausted and tired from all that worrying and waiting? Or will you be ready to welcome them with open arms?

How you respond to life in those quiet moments, when she is determined to show you what is going to happen next.

She loves a cheerful giver. A patient teacher.

She watches your every move, when you’re alone.

Alone.

In the middle of nowhere.

 

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